My absence these many months has been challenging to say the least.  To sum up the worst 8 months of my life: my husband deployed for a year, my daughter received a concussion (leading to school struggles), my son passed away March 31st, and 4 of my beloved conures died at the end of April.  I do not seek pity or prayers but write this in dedication to my beautiful son as a form of therapy.

To my darling Chandler,

I wish I could hug you close and wipe the worries away.  I wish I could see your beautiful brown eyes once more.  I wish so many things were different; but, for some reason, heaven needed you more than me.  I am lost without you, wandering day-to-day in a haze, questioning the purpose of life.  If the best of us can die so senselessly, what hope do I have…where do I go from here.  

You touched so many people’s lives.  You were selfless with a heart of gold, true to your word, and a light on campus willing to help anyone in need.  Today is Mother’s Day and the first day in 22 years without you in my life.  My heart is broken beyond repair.  Until we meet again, I will shed tears of sorrow in silence with no understanding of why you were taken from me.  

All my love,

Mom

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8 comments

  1. What a raw and honest tribute to your son and your love for him. You expressed yourself exquisitely and you show true courage in the telling. The truth is, I haven’t been through what you’re experiencing, so I can’t offer any meaningful advice, but I would like to urge you to keep writing. I think there’s strength and healing in the expression of your experiences, whether they’re triumphant or tragic. At the very least, other people who take the time to read may find comfort in the fact that someone else is struggling as well.

    This is Bittersweet and beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
    I wish you all the Best.
    DL

  2. Kim. Dear Kim. There’s nothing I can say to bring you comfort. I find myself wordless in your presence so I will keep quiet. Quiet but I hope you can feel my presence close by. And I WILL keep you and your family close to my heart and I’m my prayers. Know that.
    Let me know how you’re doing dear friend. You are not alone. Know that. I send you blessings, healing prayers and my friendship. You are loved dearly. Selma Martin.

  3. Dear Kim,
    There is no way I can help ease your grief across the digital landscape but you should know that there are other writers out there who support you and share in your pain. You have shown tremendous courage sharing this tribute to your son.
    Warmly,
    Madeline

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